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It has been a long time since I last turned more than one creature sideways after declaring an attack. What? Where did that come from? Pretty random right? Considering that these are the words leading into an article written by the local Control-Freak, you can see why I wouldn’t be doing this very often. I mean, there are times that I forget to attack with my Mutavault when there is clearly no one to block, because I normally don’t declare attacks. I am parrying them. So why would I be leading into an article like this? Not too terribly long ago, I was looking for a cd in my closet. I hadn’t listened to my Disturbed cd for many moons, and I felt it was about time. The problem was that I hadn’t seen it for around five years or more. While rummaging through a dusty box, I came across an old scratched up cd case and opened it hoping that I had found my prize. I did find a prize inside, but not the one I had hoped for. What I found was… Shandalar!
Shandalar is a computer game created back in 1997 which puts in the shoes of a novice wizard who must single handedly stop a powerful planeswalker from taking over the shard. Dur….. Bah, I need to make a confession to you guys. I never really cared about the story of Magic. It’s a story that never made sense to me, none of the sets seemed to mesh well together in my mind, and I just felt like the story was overall just an afterthought to sell more merchandise for the company. Not that there is anything wrong with selling merchandise, I just don’t feel that is was ever my cup of tea. I am a Spike (retired) not storyline guy. I did however do a little homework for you guys and gathered the story and information about some of the stuff in the game that you may be interested in. You can find those pages at the following links. Knock yourself out and have a blast or whatever. Now, onto the real important part of the story, the killing, maiming, and pillaging of a world! As you begin the game, you are a young whipper-snapper fresh out of grade school, or so it feels, with your 40 card deck full of the crappiest of crappy commons of your chosen color. You will not only get a handful of garbage commons of your color, but you also get a few random bad artifact creatures, and some bad commons from your compliment colors. (Black for example gets a few Red and Blue cards.) Being an expert at Magic, I chose the hardest difficulty level… and got smoked out of existence. What the heck? How the heck can I start with ten life and a pile of junk, and my first opponent has 20 life and uncommons and rares?! Needless to say it did not go over so well. I considered Frisbee-ing my Shandalar cd, but thought better of it and decided to practice first on a lower setting. Not knowing which to choose, I picked the lowest setting to get my feet wet. This time around, my opponents were given similar deck builds and similar life totals. A fair fight perhaps, but I found that when I chose Red, I was only getting bad Mons Goblin Raiders and Smoke, while my opponents were getting Black Knights and War Mammoth. Not so fair after all. A point that you need to know is that these games are for ante. You and your opponent pull a card from your deck and play to the death. The winner takes the cards, the loser walks the plank. Well, not really, but you get the drift. It is designed to be better for you, as if you win, not only do you get the ante card, but also a random number of random cards that seem to be cards that would normally be played by that player. For example, I might have to ante up my Lightning Bolt, and he puts up his Giant Growth; if I lose, he takes my Lightning Bolt, but if I win, I will get his Giant Growth and a hand full of other random cards. Starting the game with 40 cards means you can’t lose a game so the game designers give you around 45 cards to begin with. You also get some gold you can use to buy spells at the local towns you come across as well. I tried Red, and kept losing my removal, which ticked me off. I tried Blue, but kept losing to creatures with high toughness (you are spammed with Prodigal Sorcerers in Blue). I then tried Black, which if you know anything, I don’t like Black. What a difference having efficient creatures has over not. I began the game with a couple Erg Raiders, Bog Imps and other trash. Those are not important. Erg Raider is important. I won many a game really quick by getting an Unholy Strength on an Erg Raider. Suddenly my card collection began to grow, and I came into contact with Dark Rituals, Sengir Vampires, Hypnotic Specters, and more Black Knights than you can shake a stick at. That is when it occurred to me. Oh my goodness, I can play aggro! I can play aggro pretty damn good to be quite honest. After I realized that, I realized that I still don’t like it, but I can do it. I just needed practice. So I continued playing the deck; trying new things, kicking other things to the curb, and then I won a particularly memorable match when I jumped out of my seat and scared my son, who was playing with a small box next to me on the floor. Black Vise and Strip Mine! In the same victory card batch!!
Soon afterwards I found a couple Sinkholes in a shop, and it all began to come together. Use a little land destruction and Vise with my aggro critters and the deck becomes a bit fiercer. I continued my assault on Shandalar and finally came across a random encounter where I had to duel a dragon. I was a little concerned about the match when it began because he had 18 life, and I only had 12. However, when my opening hand revealed two Dark Rituals, a Sengir and an Unholy Strength, I knew I was fine. Plus my first draw was a Black Vise (by then I owned and played three; did I forget to mention that there is not a restricted list in Shandalar?). I pounded the little whelp mercilessly into oblivion and when he yielded, I found that in my random pile sat a little something that brought a glimmer of pride into my eye. I gave a little fist pump which my son mimicked with an added ‘Yes!’ I added an approving nod to him and turned to look at my newly won Mox Jet. How does my arse taste Mr. Dragon? I then began raiding dungeons in search of buried treasure. Of course you have to know what the treasure is. Moxen, Lotus, Timetwisters, and Regrowths. All the stuff a young, novice magician like myself needs in order to go to war against some guy who wants to take over the world. Different game, same old storyline. However in this story, I will have a playset of Moxen and Lotus’ and he won’t get a turn if I can help it. I mentally rub my hands together as I develop my plan. As the weeks go by, I continue marauding towns and dungeons, filling my coffers to spilling with nice cards and keeping monsters at bay. By now, monsters that encounter me offer two new options when I start a duel. Previously they only asked:
Now they ask:
With a mighty mental laugh, I almost always take the tribute. Of course I want tribute. Give me TRIBUTE! EVERYONE GIVE ME TRIBUTE!!! Err.. *Ehem*
My current deck of choice has two Mox Sapphires, a Mox Emerald, Jet, Ruby, and Pearl. I have three Library of Alexandrias, four Ancestral Recalls, a Timetwister and Regrowth. I have Dual lands coming out of my ears, and am extremely ticked off that I have not gotten a Time Walk, Balance, or Fork yet. The deck wins by tossing out a few Vises, followed by a Braingeyser, a barrage of Ancestral Recalls, and me saying I am done. I also have a copy of Serra Angel and a copy of Fireball just in case an ante would grab a needed piece of the puzzle. This is exactly what happened this morning, when I found out how much I rely on Regrowth. I sat there with the realization that I was about to deck myself and I couldn’t get my Timetwister back. Two cards from the bottom of my library I found a Fireball and toasted him, so I didn’t lose my prized Regrowth. I know, I began the article talking about my newly found aggro skills, and I will get back to it, but seriously, how could I not pipe in and say, “Thank you Mr. Garfield for not babying Magic in your day. Praise the Lord for Moxes. Thank God for Black Vise. How can anyone who has not felt the sheer power of dumping your opening hand on the table for free, casting a Timetwister, dumping the following hand on the table, Regrowing the Timetwister to get a third hand, only to make your opponent draw nine cards and answer to the Vise on their first turn call themselves a Magic player with a straight face?”
BAHHH!H!HH!H!! Screw all of that nonsense. Give me liberty or give me death! Give me back my freaking Moxes and Lightning Bolts! Give me back my damn Counterspell and Black Vise. Damn it! I want Strip Mines and Mishra’s Factory! I want three cards for one Blue and I want all the cards in your hand for BX. Don’t give me your morsel of ground beef with a tall glass of water anymore Wizards. Give me back my tenderloin steak, seasoned perfectly with a side of corn, carrots, sautéed onions and a baked potato! I want a bottle whiskey and a shot gun, not a glass of Kool-Aid and a butter knife. GIVE IT TOO MEEEEE! I NEED IT NOW!!!!! *falls on the ground and cries* Go on… *sobs* take it. Take it all. Take my Lightning Bolt, but take this Incinerate with you too. Take it all. Take my Powersink, but take your damn Broken Ambitions too. Take my Armageddon but take your… oh yea, you never gave me a replacement!!! Give me back Land Tax!! (*Small text* …and Balance.) Stupid creatures. To hell with you all. To hell with aggro. To hell with garbage cards. To hell with the entire lot. I’m going on vacation; and when I get back, I expect this place to be back the way I left it originally. Burnt to a crisp but fully decorated with the Moxen trophies of war. cpn
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Spotlights from 2008: |
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“HOLY
CRAP!” I shouted. I raced across the room and popped the cd in my laptop and
waited for the installation to complete. I had not played the game in probably
15 years, yet it installed perfectly and purred like a kitten. Same old crappy
music, same old tiny pixel man being chased by monsters, same old crappy starter
deck.
