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You know a Magic card is something special when its art depicts a living plant thing puking all over the place. Puking flowers, to be more exact. And it is for this reason why I feel so oddly compelled to write about Hana Kami. Actually, Tekk made me do it, but you’re getting an article about a flower-puking plant thing either way. Enjoy!
Appetizing, ain’t it folks? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Who thinks this crap up anyway? I mean really, puking flowers? But I’m not here to rant, oh no! I’m here to show you all new ways of playing with your flower-puking friend, and we’re in for a doozy! But before we head into all of that, I have to get one thing out of the way:
Probably the only Hana Kami combo actually worth mentioning, all you do here is play any Arcane spell you like, return it with Hana Kami, play it again splicing Soulless Revival to return the Kami, and rinse and repeat ‘till the cows come home. That’s all well and good, but don’t expect to see any decks of mine using it. No sirree, it’s time to innovate! Emancipation of Innovation! Since there is no card in Magic that can make a spell in your graveyard Arcane (yet), our options are rather limited. Hana Kami works best to get a little extra use out of the cards you have; making it the focus of your deck is just silly. But then again, so am I. Luckily there are plenty of cards that enjoy the extra use you can get out of your Arcane spells—the more the merrier—and I for one would be much obliged to give them all they could ever desire, and then some.
The goal here is simple: Get a crap load of lands. No, more than that. Keep going… there! So now what? Uhm… play a spell or something, I guess. And make it Arcane so your lands magically turn into 3/3 creatures. Ah, every instant and sorcery in here is Arcane. Check! Get double the fun with Spellweaver Helix, and do it all over again with Hana Kami. With the Helix and Footsteps of the Goryo, you can infinitely return Hana Kami and a 2nd copy of whatever else is imprinted on the Helix; Uproot for example. I can’t think of a better Arcane spell to play every single turn, and surely you’ll have enough mana to do it. Other than that you can always wipe your opponent’s board clear of non-Spirits, which should mean just about everything. What kind of loser plays with Spirits, anyway? …. Right. Anyway. If your opponent is a loser and plays Spirits, they certainly won’t be playing Black ones—losers don’t play Black creatures, everyone knows that, if anything they play Blue ones… stupid Morphlings—feel free to swap Rend Flesh with Horobi’s Whisper. Or if you’re a sick individual, go for Cranial Extraction. But if you’re simply cruel, there’s always Joyous Respite. Yeah, sure, have your cards… not like they'll do you any good! The options are anything but endless, but there’s still a few fun things to do. And don’t forget the Jukai’s soulshift! “KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!” ~Tekk I love ‘em, you love ‘em, hell even the Ineffable loves ‘em: They’re Ki counters! Fun for the whole family! Or just you, that’s good too. Ironically, perhaps the best card that embraces Ki counters steals things. Well, sorry about your opponent’s luck, looks like we’re keeping all the fun to ourselves this time around. “Did someone say counters?!!” Not you again…. “I love counters!!” Well moving on, since we’re in Green and Red the Bakus are a must, and it just so happens both of them are— “Charge counters, time counters, +1 counters, even soot counters! Boy, I sure do love counters. And tokens, too!!” Will you shut that bloody hole in your… face? Or thing resembling a face…. “And petal counters! And arrowhead counters, and pain counters, and matrix counters, and page counters…” Ignore her, please. Trust me, that one’s been around the block a few too many times. You never know what kind of horrid disease your deck might get when she’s involved. I’ve heard one too many rumors of counter-transmitted mana screw floating around recently, and I don’t want to take the chance. But if you do, remember to have protection; always pack a few Birds of Paradise and/or Sakura-Tribe Elders just in case. “…fade counters, fate counters, pressure counters, winch counters, fuse counters, plague counters…” That said, let’s hurry up and get this deck over with. Maybe she’ll go away on her own….
Doubling Season: “Cunning Bandit invited me! He sure is a crafty one…” *giggle* *sigh* Doubling Season: “And what he does with those Ki counters, oh my!” OK, that’s quite enough mental imagery for me, thanks! Doubling Season: “Anytime, Mally.” Eugh. Well as you can see, I don’t kid around when it comes to mana. At least when it comes to MWS, and especially when it comes to Doubling Season. The duals really aren’t necessary, but they never hurt. As for the deck, you’ll want to get the most out of your Arcane spells you can with splicing shenanigans, deal two damage here, gain three life there, and before you know it your creatures will be loaded up with more Ki counters than you know what to do with. But here’s a hint: OVERKILL! Cunning Bandit and Unearthly Blizzard clear away all potential blockers, not to mention the occasional Ray, and Blademane Baku can pump himself better and make himself bigger than any other card in Magic… Don’t get any ideas, Doubling Season. Doubling Season: *innocent* Eight measly counters and he becomes a 17/1, and with Unchecked Growth that makes 21 trample damage. Not that you’ll need that much, but hey, the bigger the better, right? Doubling Season: “Oh yeah!” Right. It’s… Unspeakable! To end this quaint little article, I think this last part sums it up nicely: Unspeakable. Decks based on Hana Kami? Perverted talking enchantments? Yeah, that fits perfectly. So if you hadn’t guessed what this next deck is about already… you’re slow. Unspeakably so!
This last usage of Hana Kami is probably the most interesting; instead of reusing spells for the hell of it, we’re going to fetch back spells that we need. More specifically, combo pieces. Hail The Unspeakable!
Once you play all of these cards in one turn, you get to fetch a big ole 6/7 flying trampler out of your library and right smack into play. Getting all three cards ain’t easy, but it’s rather convenient that each of them draws you cards. So waste them all you want, you have Hana Kami! Not only that, but Peer Through Depths allows you to put any Unspeakables from your hand on the bottom of your library, ripe for fetching. And once he’s in play, you get to return all those cards again, for more unspeakable acts! I’m also proud to note that I made the following deck in a record 22 seconds! (Most of which was trying to remember the names of the spells. Stupid Kamigawa.)
Of course that plan is bound to fail, so I tossed in another favorite arcane combo:
Infinite damage! If you’re confused, here’s how it works: With the Guildmage in play and 6 mana readily available, play Lava Spike with Desperate Ritual spliced onto it and copy the whole package for 2R—that’s a total of 3RRR needed. Now you have 2 Lava Spikes on the stack, both spliced with Rituals. Let the first resolve, dealing 3 damage to someone’s face and netting three Red mana. Before the last Spike resolves, copy it with that mana again. And again, and again, and again, until everyone’s dead! Except you, unless you’re in a suicidal mood. Or if you happen to have Blinded a Pariah’d Stuffy Doll with Anger or something. However that works. I didn’t know dolls got angry, myself. Note to anyone with little sisters: Beware the Barbie dolls! Yeah, you may think it’s fun to tear off their legs, but just wait until you wake up next morning with your legs ripped off and a Barbie doll sitting at the foot of your bed, staring at you with its cold, glassy eyes, and smiling that fake plastic smile…. Ah, that’s my cue! Hopefully you enjoyed this Tekk-endorsed article, and may nightmares of legless murdering Barbies haunt your dreams for ETERNITY! Ahahahaha!! ~Maleficent~
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MOAR! 
Got
land?
No
Love for Kiki. 
Hey,
how did you get in there?!
Lost
and Found. 
