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In the last two articles of this series, co-dependent and negative effect unplayable cards were discussed. This week we'll delve into the wild world of cards that are deemed "Worthless". These cards are exactly what they sounds like - cards with seemingly little to no value - not monetary - to play. They are highly situational, rarely used, and in many cases people assume there are no uses to the cards at all. There are many examples of cards that people might consider to be in this category, but generally the actual number of "Worthless" cards is minuscule. The two feature cards this week will be perhaps two of the most ridiculous cards designed by Wizards ever - One With Nothing and Norin the Wary. On one side we have a creature that can't attack or block and does nothing but leave play non-stop, while the other card quite simply erases your hand. Together they hold a place deep in the hearts of Magic players as some of the worst cards in Magic, right down there with Squire.
Now before every single Johnny jumps on me for bashing Norin, let's be honest; Norin is more or less a bounce engine which seems to be an entirely unintentional side-effect of creating a card from flavor-text (See Goblin Shrine, Jade Statue, Sabretooth Tiger, Animate Wall, Viscid Lemurs). The most challenging thing with Norin in many ways is finding ways to keep him in play or to kill him. The only answer to both is to either strip him of his abilities or counter them with creatures/enchantments already in play (a fun rock-paper-scissors variant might be Timmy beats Norin, Norin beats Terror, Terror beats Timmy - have fun geeking out and making motions for them).
In the end, I wanted to design a fun and cheap Norin the Wary deck that was overall very unique. To accomplish this I also wanted a challenge so I gave it two strict parameters:
By doing this, any player who can get their hands on a few Norin the Wary’s (which shouldn't be hard at all) can make a fun deck to play against their friends, and if you're like me, have a good time laughing as Norin owns his way to victory. I'd rather show than chat, so here's what I came with:
While I did playtest this deck a lot, it wasn't as much fine-tuning as it was pure adult-rated fun. I tried all kinds of builds, each more powerful and amusing than the next. I once saw my partner say "Good Game" and quit only for me to go on and win 2v1. If you are like me at all, taking a card most consider to be bad and twisting it into a powerhouse deck is a blast. Norin does just that. He's fast, he's furious, and he really takes most people by surprise. The deck performs even better in multiplayer, as more players create more and more tokens for you. Although I have to forewarn that while using this deck you will have to become very fast and nimble with controlling the stack as I'm not lieing when I say I've simply "passed" on my turn and still had about 20-30 things go onto the stack.
The best part is this deck is perfect for players on a budget. If you own absolutely none of these cards (many of which I consider staple) - you could make the deck for ~$40 (paper) ~$60 (online) or ~$24 / $40 respectively if you take out Eternal Witness for Recollect/Reclaim. Beyond that it's so portable considering it starts with nothing but uncommons except for Norin, and if you have better cards you can easily slide them in, but I'm not lying when I say it works just fine as is. Norin just plain out rocks in the right deck.
Now from the happy-go-lucky Norin side of the article, we
will plunge into darkness. Not quite the darkness of Maleficent or some of the
other depraved souls that write for MDV, but more a cheeky fun side of darkness.
The whole cheeky side comes from the fact that we're talking about a card which
does nothing but discard your hand - that's right, One with Nothing. Perhaps one
of the most hated cards of all time, I'm sure it may be regarded as the most
thrown away rare. Also, did they purposefully design its acronym to be OwN? I
mean who hasn't laughed at a buddy when they plop down $2.99 for a pack, and he
gets "OwNed". The question to make this card usable is what ungodly reason would
one ever have for an empty hand - and why in the world would they want to do it
without playing all the cards? As long as I can remember, card advantage has
been harped on. He who draws the most cards usually wins, and here we are
throwing away everything we have...and the card gives nothing in return.
Okay, so the purpose of One with Nothing in each and every case is to discard your hand to 0. There is no other reason to cast it beyond that; it has no abilities, no hidden tricks – it's merely a quick path to an empty hand. Unfortunately, I'm not aware of any combination that gives control of a spell on the stack to an opponent (apart from them having Commandeer or Spelljack and you having a Mindslaver) to turn it into an offensive weapon. However, I feel this darkness welling inside of me, and I feel the need to express it in a deck. A special deck dedicated to the spirit of self deprecation - a deck where we get one with nothing, and boy do I have the perfect vehicle for such a deck... Barren Glory.
Okay first of all, this is probably the most expensive deck I've ever designed for the site. I probably should have gone all out and included some Scrublands and Vindicates, but hey, I have some mercy. I started with the basic assumption that we are going to win with Barren Glory and I decided to apply the KISS method to the rest of the deck (Keep it Simple, Stupid). We need two things to make it work: 1. No hand and 2. Nothing in play besides the ole Glory. Now I want to say they let us off light by still allowing a Library and Graveyard, but let’s not complain about a super-hardcore win and take this easy road to glory. The deck plays very simply. Wipe the world whenever necessary, accelerate mana whenever possible and combine the puzzle pieces. If you can't win on the eve of your turn 5 or 6, you got janked. Use Claws of Gix / Renounce / Forbidden Ritual / Reprocess to remove permanents and One with Nothing to empty hand. You can also keep a Godless Shrine and a Wasteland in play to cast One with Nothing at the last possible moment. The concept is simple, the repeatability of cards is high, and I ran only Desolation Angels as secondary game winner.
Well that does it for this round of Unplayables. Hopefully by writing this article I made a difference. Not in your life, but in the life of Norin and OwN. As of this time, countless Norin's and OwN's have met with unthinkable fates. Coasters, target practice, magic tricks, gerbil fodder… all are every day horrors I've heard befall upon these innocent cards. I'm starting a movement to save them, by bringing them into the refuge of niche decks sponsored by Johnny players from around the world. For a mere dollar you can feed four of these precious cards for a lifetime. ~Cashew~
You can discuss this article in the MDV forums
here.
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Unplayables
Series: Worthless. 
This
deck evolved several times as I played it online goofing off and tweaking it.
Originally, it started as a Sliver deck abusing Gemhide, Frenetic and Dormant,
but in the end it relied too much on those cards. The Genesis Chamber - Aura
Shards Combo was always a part of the build, using Norin to trigger the Myr
creation and Aura Shards to keep it one-sided. Ultimately I found the power of
token creation and Myr Servitor's self-recursion the way to go. Creating lots of
tokens and using Blasting Station to send them away all the while beating with
whatever was available became a literal blast. Decks without
enchantment/artifact removal suffered, and it takes a complete board wipe to
stop the deck. I'm not talking about a Wrath of God, which only stunts it for a
turn, but a full on Akroma's Vengeance or Oblivion Stone. 
