While over the course of Magic’s history, you may have noticed that four of the colors have slowly shifted from a stiff, rigid personality into the personality of today. Blue slowly went from the color of water to the color of time; Black went from playing with dead things to making everything around it dead; White went from friendly Angels to the wrath of justice and purity; Green went from fuzzy bunnies, bears, and Scrub Sprites to nasty Trees, horrid beasts, and ever growing monsters; all the while, Red remained fairly consistent. For the most part, Red threw fire in your face, shocked you with lightning bolts and rained fire and molten lava down on your lands, leaving you with a thick pile of dead creatures, pillaged lands, and singed whiskers.

In a world where things change on an almost daily basis, it is nice to know that one thing remains unchanged. Red still hates everyone.

Æther Membrane Uncommon 0/5 Creature — Wall 1RR
Defender
Æther Membrane can block as though it had flying.
Whenever Æther Membrane blocks a creature, return that creature to its owner’s hand at end of combat.

Let’s face it; Walls suck. While the rules of the game state that the game ends for you when you lose, a wall does not make an opponent lose, and therefore winning the game for you.

There has to be something really special about a wall to make it any good. First, that wall needs to be able to block the most popular creatures in its environment, AND survive. So, it must have flying or able to block fliers. Next, it must have a special ability beyond blocking. A special ability would be something along the lines of drawing cards, instant speed discard, blocking multiple creatures, killing a creature at instant speed, being able to attack, etc.

This wall does have the ability to block flying creatures, and it does have a special ability of making creatures return to their owner’s hand, going through summoning sickness all over again.

This is a good wall for Limited, where Akroma doesn’t see play all that often, and most creatures probably won’t be killing this thing without using an inflation card to do so. If you can draw a Giant Growth to make a normal creature kill a wall, then that wall was worth its trouble.

Grade: B- Limited use. Question, why is it called Æther and does not block shadow creatures?

Akroma, Angel of Fury Rare 6/6 Legendary Creature — Angel 5RRR
Akroma, Angel of Fury can’t be countered.
Flying, trample, protection from white, protection from blue
<R>: Akroma, Angel of Fury gets +1/+0 until end of turn.
Morph <3><R><R><R> (You may play this face down as a 2/2 creature for <3>. Turn it face up any time for its morph cost.)

Grreeeeaaat. Another big fat flying woman that hates men. While upon first inspection, the uncounterable ability might make her seem to be better than the original version. I always found that I had the hardest time dealing with White Akroma when I was playing Black. Taking away the safety from Black, and allowing me to not only Dark Banish, Sudden Death, Last Gasp, and Nekrataal her, now I can double bolt, Shivan Meteor, Inferno (by Jaya), or even simply Fireball her.

I am not so certain that this version is better or even equal to the original version. However, it is superior to all other killer creatures in Standard and Limited, which makes this a stand out creature.

Grade: A …for Akroma (what else could it be for?)

Battering Sliver Common 4/4 Creature — Sliver 5R
All Slivers have trample.

I don’t want to see another Sliver ever. One more color and one more entire freaking set.

Grade: C Give me a call when you make another Necrotic Sliver.

Blood Knight Uncommon 2/2 Creature — Human Knight RR
First strike, protection from white

Silver Knight dipped in Blood eh?

I like this creature, except for one thing: Wrath of God doesn’t care if it has protection from white. Furthermore, the only reason that Silver Knight was really good was that it couldn’t be bolted to death, and it walked around slaying Goblins like it was its job, and it was. Blood Knight can slay his fair share of Goblins, and Savannah Lions for that matter, but the problem still lies in the fact that the same Mountains that made it come into being are its worst enemy.

Grade: B+ Its evasion is barely evasion at all.

Boom // Bust Rare Sorcery // Sorcery 1R//5R
Destroy target land you control and target land you don’t control.
//
Destroy all lands.

Wowsers. Control decks didn’t want to see this card. The first part allows for me to kill your first land on my second turn, which is an important thing because typically, a player will play the best land of his opening hand first.

Late game, this card becomes an over-costed Armageddon. Enough said. With the acceleration of Green, and even the mana boost of Seething Song, an Ernie-geddon style deck becomes feasible again, and it makes my heart sing.

Grade: A+

Brute Force Common Instant R
Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

If it is fair that Green gets haste from Red, then Red can steal Giant Growth, right? I don’t think it feels right here, though.

Grade: C

Dead // Gone Common Instant // Instant R//2R
Dead deals 2 damage to target creature.
//
Return target creature you don’t control to its owner’s hand.

Shock // Unsummon would be a good name for this card. The main differences between what this card really is compared to the suggested cards are that I can’t deal the damage to a player and can’t save one of my own creatures. This card is surprisingly limited, and I don’t understand why. It is very versatile for sure, but its fangs have been removed.

Grade: C Limited in its abilities; however, still quite usable in Limited play.

Detritivore Rare */* Creature — Lhurgoyf 2RR
Detritivore’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of nonbasic land cards in your opponents’ graveyards.
Suspend X-<X><3><R>. X can’t be 0.
Whenever a time counter is removed from Detritivore while it’s removed from the game, destroy target nonbasic land.

This one may very well be the most game impacting of the Suspend Cycle cards. Remember that Black’s siphons life, Blue’s draws cards, Green’s hands out +1/+1 counters, and we will discover next week that White’s makes 1/1 tokens. However, Red’s is just brutal, not only while it is suspended, but even after it comes into play.

This becomes even more apparent if you remember something that I had said in the past regarding current Standard deck construction.

Each deck is minimally two colors. So to start off your deck’s mana base, you grab the Rav Dual land for your two colors (4), then grab the 9th Edition Pain Land (8), and then further, you might play Gemstone Mine, Flagstones of Trokair, Ghost Quarters, Terramorphic Expanse, Urza Lands, or even crappy Bounce Lands. Regardless, if you take a look at common deck lists, you will see at least 60-80% non-basic lands. Why more people don’t run Blood Moon is beyond me, but this guy really becomes punishing, as this is an ability, not a spell, and therefore, hard to counter.

It does not end there. The other guys of this cycle are tenfold better while they are suspended, and I would encourage you to get two to three suspended at the same time for tremendous effect. However, this guy does the dirty work, and then jumps into being like a Magnivore and attacks as a 7/7 or more.

Grade: A+ I imagine more people starting to play basic lands again.

Dust Corona Common Enchantment — Aura R
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+0 and can’t be blocked by creatures with flying.

Eh, it’s not good, but not terrible either. Slightly inflating a creature and not allowing flying creatures to block is all right. It is more usable in Limited, as a 3/3 becomes a 5/3.

However, the problem with Creature Enchantments remains that one removal spell sends two of your cards to the graveyard. Two-for-one trades are good, if you are on the one side.

Grade: D+

Fatal Frenzy Rare Instant 2R
Until end of turn, target creature you control gains trample and gets +X/+0, where X is its power. Sacrifice it at end of turn.

Did you know that this card used to be on the Restricted List, and was a very hard card to get? Berserk used to end a game immediately, out of nowhere, and usually with a dose of aspirin needed afterwards.

Now granted to Red, and renamed Fatal Frenzy, I anticipate this spell retaining its brutal game finishing effects. I am willing to wager that Extended opponents are glad this cost 3, so that it cannot be Imprinted on a Scepter and reused over and over.

Grade: A+ I can’t wait until I can Berserk the Wild Pair-fetched Groundbreaker and attack for 12.

Firefright Mage Common 1/1 Creature — Goblin Spellshaper R
<1><R>, <T>, Discard a card: Target creature can’t be blocked this turn except by artifact creatures and/or red creatures.

Discard engine, not much more. I guess giving a Goblin fear is not so bad…

…Anyways, I don’t think it looks so cool to have fear on Red creatures.

Grade: C

Fury Charm Common Instant 1R
Choose one - Destroy target artifact, or target creature gets +1/+1 and gains trample until end of turn, or remove two time counters from target permanent or suspended card.

Charm alert!

Destroy an artifact, +1/+1 and trample, or remove two time counters. I like it, mainly for the last ability, but a built in Shatter is not so bad either. More on removing the counters in a moment.

Grade: B+

Hammerheim Deadeye Uncommon 3/3 Creature — Giant Warrior 3R
Echo <5><R> (At the beginning of your upkeep, if this came under your control since the beginning of your last upkeep, sacrifice it unless you pay its echo cost.)
When Hammerheim Deadeye comes into play, destroy target creature with flying.

There are a plethora of good flying creatures that don’t want this guy resolving.

Grade: C+ Overcosted if there are no flying creatures in play.

Keldon Marauders Common 3/3 Creature — Human Warrior 1R
Vanishing 2 (This permanent comes into play with two time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
When Keldon Marauders comes into play or leaves play, it deals 1 damage to target player.

This is a damn good creature. Upon resolution, he is automatically two damage for two mana. He then has a temporary 3/3 body that can hold off a Lion until you get your mana base under your feet, or can attack and become a five point Incinerate.

Grade: B+

Lavacore Elemental Uncommon 5/3 Creature — Elemental 2R
Vanishing 1 (This permanent comes into play with a time counter on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.)
Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, put a time counter on Lavacore Elemental.

This creature makes me take a deep breath and think. I can only cast him if I have a creature in play that can get through for a point of damage, as if this does not happen, I sacrifice this guy during my next Upkeep. So, it is imperative that I have a plan in place before squandering three mana on a creature that is a one-turn wall.

Grade: D Reminds me of a certain Black creature that could have been really good at a cheap cost for a 5/3 that never really panned out.

Magus of the Arena Rare 5/5 Creature — Human Wizard 4RR
<3>, <T>: Tap target creature you control and target creature of an opponent’s choice he or she controls. Each of those creatures deals damage equal to its power to the other.

What? Was Elephant Graveyard already taken? Why would you make a Magus of a Land that you just reprinted? Let me do some research for you…

Dust Bowl? Keldon Necropolis? How about since you took Dark Ritual from Black, you also give Red Lake of the Dead? Rath’s Edge? Rishadan Port? Shivan Gorge? Strip Mine? Wasteland?

Grade: F This was completely a waste of time. I don’t understand it. Couldn’t it at least make my Red Legends band with other Legends or something?

Molten Firebird Rare 2/2 Creature — Phoenix 4R
Flying
When Molten Firebird is put into a graveyard from play, return it to play under its owner’s control at end of turn and you skip your next draw step.
<4><R>: Remove Molten Firebird from the game.

I love the creature type Phoenix. It really demonstrates the resiliency of fire. This creature, while a steal of Ivory Gargoyle, is a great fit in Red. Even when the controller does not want the creature to return, the darn thing keeps coming back. I like it.

Grade: A

Needlepeak Spider Common 4/2 Creature — Spider 3R
Needlepeak Spider can block as though it had flying.

I never liked Spiders in Green (outside of Silklash Spider), and I don’t like Spiders in Red.

Grade: D- It can kill a Serra Sphinx in Limited.

Prodigal Pyromancer Common 1/1 Creature — Human Wizard 2R
<T>: Prodigal Pyromancer deals 1 damage to target creature or player.

This is like the third incarnation of Prodigal Sorcerer in Red. I don’t understand why it took this many incarnations to just print it correctly. R3 is not a good cost for this creature, no matter what or how many times you try to force it on me. This is the right creature, at long last.

Grade: C+ Only usable in Limited.

Pyrohemia Uncommon Enchantment 2RR
At end of turn, if no creatures are in play, sacrifice Pyrohemia.
<R>: Pyrohemia deals 1 damage to each creature and each player.

Are you ready for Red to have Pestilence? This could turn out to be a really bad card in both Constructed and Limited, due to the number of creatures with Protection from Red in the formats. The best examples that I can provide are Paladin en-Vec and White Akroma. Both of them have protection from Red and have board-sticking power.

Grade: C or B+ It’s either going to be good or bad, no in-between.

Reckless Wurm Uncommon 4/4 Creature — Wurm 3RR
Trample
Madness <2><R> (If you discard this card, you may play it for its madness cost instead of putting it into your graveyard.)

Arrogant Wurm makes its return. This time around, it may need some help, as there are not too many quality discard engines like the Wild Mongrel, however, there are some really good-for-their-time discard engines. A likely candidate would be Dreamscape Artist or even Sophic Centaur. The problem with both of these engines is that the cost of activating the ability makes the Wurm’s Madness cost seem more than actually casting it. Thankfully, Thought Courier replaces Merfolk Looter directly, so there is always that engine.

Grade: A

Rough // Tumble Uncommon Sorcery // Sorcery 1R//5R
Rough deals 2 damage to each creature without flying.
//
Tumble deals 6 damage to each creature with flying.

Just like Dead // Gone, this card has had limits put on it, for reasons only Wizards could understand. I suppose that making it better than Pyroclasm might be a bad thing, but what about making the card deal the damage to all players as well, which would make this card relate to Earthquake // Hurricane.

Grade: C+ I get tired of watered down cards. How can you directly reprint Berserk, but then give me a poor excuse for Hurricane?

Shivan Meteor Uncommon Sorcery 3RR
Shivan Meteor deals 13 damage to target creature.
Suspend 2-<1><R><R> (Rather than play this card from your hand, you may pay <1><R><R> and remove it from the game with two time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, play it without paying its mana cost.)

I don’t understand this one either. It seems to me that one of two things is going on here. A.) There is a spell coming in a future set like Binding Agony, where all damage dealt to a creature is also done to its controller, or B.) They were trying to be cute and make a Fireball as big as the biggest creature. Even that doesn’t make the most sense though, because the Autochthon Wurm from Ravnica is a 9/14 and survives it. Yeah, yeah, I am picking at straws here.

I guess I just don’t understand why I need a huge Lightning Bolt that kills a big fat creature, but is not usable against players.

Grade: C

Shivan Wumpus Rare 6/6 Creature — Beast 3R
Trample
When Shivan Wumpus comes into play, any player may sacrifice a land. If a player does, put Shivan Wumpus on top of its owner’s library.

I like this creature. This creature saw a good amount of playing time back in the Urza’s Saga days, called then Argothian Wurm. This creature does make more sense to me as a Green creature, but if they can take haste, why can’t we take the Wurm, ey?

He should see a good amount of play, especially since Red is very strong in Land Destruction in this environment, and an opponent cannot afford to play the sacrificing game.

Grade: A

Simian Spirit Guide Common 2/2 Creature — Ape Spirit 2R
Remove Simian Spirit Guide in your hand from the game: Add <R> to your mana pool.

Well, look what the cat dragged in. Elvish Spirit Guide! How long has it been?

Ah, you didn’t get played back in the day, and I cannot imagine you getting played now.

Grade: D-

Skirk Shaman Common 2/2 Creature — Goblin Shaman 1RR
Skirk Shaman can’t be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or red creatures.

This critter used to be known as Severed Legion back in the Onslaught Block, and was played quite often in Limited, so I anticipate the same thing for this guy.

Grade: B-

Stingscourger Common 2/2 Creature — Goblin Warrior 1R
Echo <3><R> (At the beginning of your upkeep, if this came under your control since the beginning of your last upkeep, sacrifice it unless you pay its echo cost.)
When Stingscourger comes into play, return target creature an opponent controls to its owner’s hand.

The long awaited return of Man-o’-War. Unfortunately, this is not an exact replica, and not as good as the original.

Why? Because in the old days, we would drop the jellyfish on turn three, which stalls that turn and the following turn due to summoning sickness of the bounced creature, then it blocks that creature the following turn.

This creature fails there, because if you bring it into being on turn three, you don’t have it to block on the next turn. This is not to say that this is a bad creature, I am just explaining why this is not as good as Man-o’-War.

Grade: B+

Sulfur Elemental Uncommon 3/2 Creature — Elemental 2R
Flash (You may play this spell any time you could play an instant.)
Split second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can’t play spells or activated abilities that aren’t mana abilities.)
White creatures get +1/-1.

Here is an interesting specimen. I had to sit and think about the creature, as I wasn’t certain exactly what Wizards was arming me with. There are Savannah Lions and such, but it didn’t seem to be enough of a threat to justify making this creature.

That all changed when I saw the White Suspend Cycle creature who generates 1/1 Soldier tokens. Then it all came into focus, and I clearly understand why they created this creature.

Grade: B

Timecrafting Uncommon Instant XR
Choose one - Remove X time counters from target permanent or suspended card, or put X time counters on target permanent with a time counter on it or suspended card.

Ohh, an interesting card. Actually, I have to admit something to you. As I am attempting to write about this card, I can see the card below, and I am licking my lips in anticipation of thinking about it. So, it is pretty hard for me to respectfully write about this card at this time, but I will give it a go.

This card is good in a few situations. First, know that it does not matter when a card with Suspend has its last time counter removed; it is added to the stack immediately. So, if the card is a sorcery, Restore Balance for example, and your opponent ends his turn, you can respond by casting Timecrafting for the remaining counters on Restore Balance, and force the sorcery onto the stack during your opponent’s End Phase. Obviously, he was not expecting to resolve a Balance with five counters left on it during his end phase. Good times.

Grade: B-

Torchling Rare 3/3 Creature — Shapeshifter 3RR
<R>: Untap Torchling.
<R>: Target creature blocks Torchling this turn if able.
<R>: Change the target of target spell that targets only Torchling.
<1>: Torchling gets +1/-1 until end of turn.
<1>: Torchling gets -1/+1 until end of turn.

You know… I was so mad when I got married and Blue finally got a really good creature, and I couldn’t play anymore. It was sick, twisted, and disgusting. I’m referring to the amount of money and time required by women. Evil.

While Morphling was such a bomberific creature, just like Stingscourger is no Man-o-War, Torchling is no Morphling.

It does not have the evasion. It doesn’t have the built-in counter backup. It’s just not able to live up to its predecessor’s hype.

Having said all of that, Torchling does have Provoke (for the most part), so it can get at some of those pesky utility creatures like Dark Confidant, yet it doesn’t get the creatures with tapping abilities. The redirecting target ability does not work if there are no other legal targets.

If I didn’t know how you guys were, and I didn’t know about Morphling, I think I’d call this a pretty crappy card. Yet I know that you guys dream about playing Morphling, and when you get a chance to get a Torchling, you’re going to throw dollars at it, and you’re going to regret it.

Just do yourself a favor. Listen to Uncle Chris, and go out and get yourself a few Detritivores, Molten Firebirds, and Shivan Wumpuses, and you won’t be regretting anything.

Grade: C-

Volcano Hellion Rare 6/5 Creature — Hellion 2RR
Volcano Hellion has echo <X>, where X is your life total.
When Volcano Hellion comes into play, it deals an amount of damage of your choice to you and target creature. The damage can’t be prevented.

I’m not sure what the thought behind this was. It can kill pretty much any creature, yet it whoops you for the same amount. Then, it wants you to pay a pretty steep echo cost. So beyond all of that, it is a 6/5 for 4.

Grade: C+ Not sure if it will be played much.

There we go, the completed run down of Red. Let’s now take a look at its overall score. (Remember that an A=4, F=0… just like you slackers scored in school.)

After tallying up the results, we get this breakdown of grades:

A’s – 7  
B’s – 9
C’s – 10
D’s – 4
F’s – 1

…which gives Red an overall score of 2.54.

If you have been keeping up, you’d notice that score would put it right on schedule with Black and Blue. I gave Green a boost (since it finally impressed me), but it would have been close to this number as well.

I invite you to join me next week as we visit with White, and don’t forget that we will also give the complete comparison of each color’s grades.

Thanks again for finding time in your busy life to sit with me and read from the infinite spring of knowledge that gushes uncontrollably from my head each time I open my mouth. Trust me, it is not as cool as it sounds.

cpn

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Articles Spotlights from 2007:
Lorwyn Theme Week Intro & Schedule of Events
Blink And Bounce: Timing is Key
Going Blind: XCB Metagaming - A Prolonged Conclusion.
The Science of Magic: Genetic Engineering, Part Two.
Shifting Lineaments: Casual Metagaming (Pt. 2).
The Dungeon Of Malefict: Pure Evil!
Land Week Introduction & Schedule.
Combofusion: Legends Timeshifted.
One Card to Rule Them All: Coastal Piracy
Irrational Love: Chimeras. The Lego's of Magic.