Oh boy, oh boy! I’m giving you a double welcome this time around. First, welcome to the much anticipated Land Week! When the writers decided on Land Week my initial reaction wasn’t all too pleased. After all, Land isn’t a creature type. What was I supposed to do?

Then I remembered this article. I had been working on a new article series project on and off for a few months, and the convenient tie into lands made this week a perfect time to bring it out. That leads in to my second welcome. Welcome, maggots, to…

…well. Keep reading. See for yourself.

I was going through my closet the other day and happened to stumble on an old deck of mine that probably hadn’t seen the sun in over three years. I was ecstatic. The deck had been an old favorite of mine and it had always been a blast to play. I picked the thing up, thinking I’d pocket it and bring it out of retirement next game I played.

Then I skimmed over the deck’s contents.

It seemed my old friend wasn’t the powerhouse I remembered it to be. In fact, the deck was a sin against Magic in general. Why was it then, that I remembered having such a good time with it? The plain and simple answer is because I didn’t know better. I hate to be blunt, but I was a wide-eyed newbie who drooled at the site of things like Vizzerdrix. (Granted, a 6/6 for seven mana with no drawbacks isn’t exactly terrible in blue. But come on, who runs blue fatties?)

And then the idea hit me! With the abominations piling up is the decks forum, there must be plenty of kids (and older new players, too) who suffer from the same terrible affliction I did. I would be the light that pierced the fog of their poor deck building.

I’ve gone on a crusade to find a cure for the common newb.

Piles to Piledrivers, Issue One: A Solar Situation

The goal of this column will be to take poorly built decks and fix and tune them, finally creating something that will have the same strategy and win condition, but be a more of a fine-tuned machine than a pile of cogs.

It’ll be geared at new players looking to improve their deck building skills, but I hope I can keep it interesting enough to keep the veterans reading too. The best part of this ordeal is not only will I be improving decks, but I’m willing to take a stab at improving your deck, in particular.

That’s right! If you’re a new player in an unforgiving meta that is open to some criticism, send your list my way, be it forum PM or my email: gatlingshuriken(at)gmail(dot)com. I check both at least daily, so your plight will never fall on deaf ears, or eyes, as the case may be. However, I’m not planning on toning down the caustic wit you’ve all come to know me for, so be forewarned: If I happen to compare your choice of cards to, say, canine fecal matter, try not to take it personally. I’m not only trying to help, but I’ve got a job to fill as an entertainer too.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “So, Tekk is helping with the Deck Clinic now?”. (Ok, maybe you’re not thinking that, since MDV’s deck clinic has been doing well enough without me. Props to the guys at the Lorehold for reviving it.) The answer is ‘no’. This isn’t a page to help you build a slaying machine. It’s to help players who are just starting out get the hang of things like play-sets and kin, so that they can do the slaying on their own. Think of this column more like Wizard’s “Building on a Budget”, only with decks in need rather than precons for kicks.

Granted, I’m not going to salvage the soul of every closed minded jerk that comes around thinking his ninety-six card deck with 12 lands is hot stuff, but if I’m lucky, someone will walk away with something that looks and feels like their deck, but should actually be able to hold it’s own. I shouldn’t have trouble keeping it easy on your wallet either.

I figure I’ll start off with my inspiration itself. Behold the nightmare!

You’re getting dizzy just looking at the poor thing, aren’t you? I wish I could tell you what I was thinking when I build it, but unfortunately my memories and words fail me.

My initial thoughts were:

• Some of these cards don’t fit at all! Why are they even in there?
• Two possible turn one plays? In the whole deck? Am I crazy?!
• How many cards is this?

I decided to give the deck a few plays to stretch it a bit and see how the deck ticked. (When it did tick.)

Game One- Three Way FFA

My opponents this game were my group mates and long time chums Pat and Art. The former was running a boring, run of the mill Goblin weenie deck, while the latter was playing with his trademark reanimator that focused on spot removing enough creatures to quickly hardcast a two mana Avatar of Woe and beat face.

This game lasted a long time, and with good reason. It started out slow, (“Mountain, Raging Goblin, you’re down to 19.” Next turn, “Mountain, Raging Goblin, you’re down to 17.”) but I dropped a turn three Silent Arbiter that shut Pat’s strategy down and managed to stay on the board for the next hour. The game grinded on, all three of us amassing a huge number of creatures but not enough to do anything with thanks to the Arbiter.

At one point I was staring down an unblockable 5/5 on my right and Woe on my left, but a well timed Last Stand fortified my board position enough to scratch me through it. Eventually, my Arbiter died and Pat Alpha-Striked, killing Art but accidentally leaving himself open to a 24/24 Solarion. I won the match, but it was only due to a plethora of mistakes made by all three of us. A fluke win is still a win though; I’ll take it.

Game Two- Duel

This game, however, didn’t last ten minutes. This time it was me against Art’s BW Clerics. I managed a good early game, countering a Master Healer, then burning it to death again when Misery Charm revived it, as well as a turn four Arbiter, turn five Collective Restraint. I thought I had the board position pretty well locked down, but Art was dropping little guys too fast for me to deal with them, and before I knew what had happened, a 13/13 Vile Deacon with a Serra’s Embrace flew over my head, followed the same turn by Profane Prayers for 10. That was game.

So, first things first, let’s cut the fat. The problem with that strategy is that the deck is so incohesive that it’d be easier to say what should be in the deck; rather than what shouldn’t. Let’s do that, then.

IN:

• Silent Arbiter- The general game plan of the deck is to stall out a huge land count for Invasion era land type bonuses, and no one does stall like the Arbiter. He was crucial in both my games, and I see more reasons to keep him than I do to take him out. Plus, he’s a dollar-bin rare, which is always a plus for the casual crowd. He’s fragile to be sure, but we’ll work on that later.
• Collective Restraint- The same reasons as above; Propaganda is a decent card on its own, and in this deck Restraint works even better.
• Draco and Solarion- Also known as meat and potatoes. I’m not going to win games preventing my opponents from hurting me alone, and these fatties are at their pinnacle in this deck.
• Tribal Flames- Two mana, five damage? Yeah, sounds good to me too. I already have a playset sitting around anyway.
• Evasive Action- I’ve got enough mana fixing to make this just as good, if not better, than Mana Leak.
• Paradise Mantle- Alright, listen, I can’t afford Birds of Paradise on my budget, alright? Sue me. It’s no BoP, but it’s solid enough.
• Land Search- Anyone who’s ever tried five color without it knows what I’m talking about. Harrow and Primal Growth are especially nice because the lands come into play untapped, which is a larger advantage than you may think.

NOTEWORTHY OUTS:

• Last Stand- Sure, it’s flashy, but it’s too unreliable for me to stick with it. It gets the boot.
• Bringer of the Black Dawn- Interesting, but I’m going to try and go without him. He may return later on.
• Star Compass- You want to talk Signets? Star Compass eats Signets for breakfast. Unfortunately, it also falls short when I need it most, in the early game, so it’s getting switched out for more Paradise Mantles, which are cheaper and can produce more variety.

So, right now we’re looking at…

…as our jumping off point. First, let’s cut the Far Wanderings out. By the time I have Threshold, I won’t need three more lands, and it’s strictly worse than Rampant Growth otherwise. We’ll ditch it. Now, let’s add in the bulk:

That puts us at 32 cards already. I can already tell we’ll have to make cuts, but we’ll get to that later. Before that, I’ll answer the “Why not four?” questions you’re probably asking.

• Lay of the Land is good at the opening, but it’s usually a dead draw later on. It’s a shame it doesn’t have cycling, but as it is, two is plenty.
• Primal Growth is at two because a) the deck is creature light as is, and b)I have enough land search, and Primal is the weakest link.
• Silent Arbiter may be the centerpiece of my plan, but he doesn’t help me in multiples like Collective Restraint does, so three is enough.
• Draco is expensive in both price and mana cost. Solarion is bigger. One may be a super cool Dragon, but my wallet isn’t a Vorthos, I’m afraid.

Terramorphic Expanse, from Time Spiral, is a card I am definately considering for this deck.  It's like a cheaper version of the fetch lands from Onslaught AND it's common.  That certainly helps with the budget of the deck.  What the Expanse does is thin your deck so you draw more spells and it provides you with a easier way of achieving domain (one land of each basic type).  In fact, I think I will include it in the mana base.  It should smooth it out a bit.  And this little paragraph ties my article in with this week's theme! 

Now we can just fill in the gaps and…

Turns out I got lucky and only had to cut one card! I’m sure I could have come up with a more interesting way of getting Solarion through to the opponent’s dome, but it wouldn’t be nearly as efficient as good old Fling. I ended up putting Quirion Elves back in, but besides that this deck has gotten a serious face lift.

If you want to add money to the deck, Birds of Paradise and Ivory Mask are both at the top of my list.

Until next time, may you go out and see the world. Then, use it to power a giant mechanical bison or something.

~Tekk

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Articles Spotlights from 2007:
Lorwyn Theme Week Intro & Schedule of Events
Blink And Bounce: Timing is Key
Going Blind: XCB Metagaming - A Prolonged Conclusion.
The Science of Magic: Genetic Engineering, Part Two.
Shifting Lineaments: Casual Metagaming (Pt. 2).
The Dungeon Of Malefict: Pure Evil!
Combofusion: Legends Timeshifted.
Land Week Introduction & Schedule.
One Card to Rule Them All: Coastal Piracy
Irrational Love: Chimeras. The Lego's of Magic.