Choices (Poetry)

[lionden_56]

Great forum idea.
I write poetry when something is on my mind, and I need to express it somehow. I would put one up now, but all my work is at home. I'm at school right now, and I don't have it memorized well enough to post it. I'll post some later tonight.
Side note: Anyone here watch Russel Simmons presents Def Poetry?

[lionden_56]

ok, as promised, here is an example of my work: (note: this is to be read at a somewhat quick pace)

Choices—Nate Lisko
Walking around, face to the ground
Cars scream past without making a sound.
I’m lost, in the uncharted territories of thought
Calculating ideas and plots, motives and costs
Mentally wresting over which path to choose
Trying to make an important decision, yet trying not to lose
My ability to trust people and my ability to confide
My dreams and ambitions and fears that I hide.
Making choices and decisions about the people I know,
Yet trying not to alienate anyone I hold close
Trying to decide between one friend or another
It’s like trying to separate brother from brother
All these decisions and choices that must-
Be made and accepted without any fuss
Decisions that are more than just trivial things,
Decision that affect real human beings
It’s a calculated risk to make a choice,
Then perform your decision with action or voice
To make you plans and your schemes a reality
can end in victory or can end in tragedy.
Friends ignoring friends, brother against brother
Lovers turned to enemies and hating each other
All of these results from just one decision
All of these things for just one reason
One person’s decision causes everyone to pay
Everyone’s affected by the choices you make.
I’m lost in the uncharted territories of thought
Calculating ideas and plots, motives and costs
Weighing the decisions of the choice that lay before
Hoping it won’t cause everyone to hate and ignore me.
Choices are dangerous, unpredictable things
Until it’s too late, no one knows what they bring
So when to make the next decision yours is the time
Make sure you keep everyone else in mind.

Obviously I had a big decision on my mind when I wrote that...
any comments, good or bad, would be appreciated.

[Death_By_Beebles]

It's an interesting style form... I haven't really seen anything like that in a while.

All in all, I think your premise is good, and the writing is pretty solid, so good work!

[lionden_56]

w00t. Someone actually commented. I was beginning to think no one was reading it...I suppose poetry isn't overly popular in today's culture.

Thanks for the positive feedback.

[SuperStreetz]

Wow. I usally don't read poetry because it all sucks.

But that did not.

Good deal!

[Streetz]

Good job.

What wsa the 'big' decision you were making at the time?

[lionden_56]

It's kinda a long story, and it is pretty personal, so i'll keep it vague.
Let's just say it involed two friends, one of which made a stupid decision, which put me in an awkward spot. (It's not the whole, "should I tell the other one" thing, both knew). But I made a choice that I'm still feeling the reprocussions of.

[Streetz]

Most poetry is all about something like that.. a tough situation, decision, series of events that force you to find an outlet for them.. like poetry.

I have TONS of poetry from like 10 years ago.. but I don't think I'll be posting any of it on these forums. :shock:

[Raining Waffles]

In poetry, theres one thing you really have to take into consideration...and thats the flow.

First off, I liked it, but for me it was sorta all over. dont take it the wrong way, its just out I read it. When writing lines, dont use fragments, because it will through off people. it threw me off. but umm..like this part

"All these decisions and choices that must
Be made and accepted without any fuss "

I didnt know if I should stop and then continue or just continue without stopping ya know? commas, elipses and other punctuation helps when everything is text. hope this helps in the future. and yeah it was good. :)

[lionden_56]

Good point. I originally wrote this with the thought of just me reading it to myself, or I would be reading it aloud, and I knew where the breaks were. I never thought of that when I posted it. I added a dash - to alleviate some of the confusion (hopefully).