Quotes

[stolin]

This is a thread for humorous quotes, both those from the website, and those from real life. Try to use an example of both.

'Line up in ABC order by height' Florida head coach


'You might be a gamer if you have a set entitled Celexia' Tekk


Try to keep them humorous and try to use them from this site and real life. both. please. and feel free to put these quotes in sigs!! 8)



Allright, your turn!!!!

[thegeneralpublic]

*Goes off in search of quotes...*

[lionden_56]

"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They've got nothing to lose"--Robin Williams
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong."--George Carlin
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" --George Carlin
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"--Carlin
"Why is the man we invest our money with called a broker?"--Carlin
"Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with."--Carlin

[thegeneralpublic]

TGP: Why do I quote shampoo commercials?
stolin: because you don't know any about real poo :lol:

Stuides show that 6 out of 3 Americans do not know how to use fractions.

Did you know that 89% of all statistics are made up on the spot?

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: The people who know binary, and the people who dont.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.-Scott Adams

[stolin]

I wish that stolin would live a long, healthy life- thegeneralpublic

funny cuz its takin out of context



'don't let a suitcase full of cheese be your big fork and spoon'- Marie from everybody loves raymond

[lionden_56]

"I came, I spoke, I conquered."--My friend Jason after a Forensics meet.
"My mom never saw the irony in calling me a SOB"--Jack Nicholson
""Just remember that when you are annoyed at someone it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to reach up and smack them upside the head." Unknown

[thegeneralpublic]

BEfore you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you insult them, you'll be a mile away, with their shoes.

I'm allergic to doing homework on days ending in Y

Nobody's perfect, I'm nobody, so I'm perfect.

For example, it was in the over-50 phase of his life that Einstein produced the most amount of his drool.-Dave Barry

[lionden_56]

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." (I swear this is a real notice sent out)

"If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have had only ten disciples!"

"Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

"The secret to life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." --Groucho Marx

[thegeneralpublic]

Put this in your sig if you've ever pushed a door that says pull-Lionden

[lionden_56]

Originally posted by thegeneralpublic
Put this in your sig if you've ever pushed a door that says pull-Lionden
:oops: (Oh, wait, wrong forum)
Sign over urinal - Express Lane: Five beers or less.

[thegeneralpublic]

really?!

[stolin]

I prefer vanilla.... -streetz

[thegeneralpublic]

because. -everyone

[stolin]

' aaaaah.... hmmm.... i COULD ask my brother.... he is a pretty good'- Yusuke

[thegeneralpublic]

I wish that potato.-stolin & tgp :twisted:

[stolin]

Originally posted by thegeneralpublic
I wish that potato.-stolin & tgp :twisted:


best most random one so far

[thegeneralpublic]

natch :wink:

[thegeneralpublic]

50/5=5+5=10 -stolin
50/5 is 10, dipwad.-tgp

[stolin]

'I like balls'- my little sisters first sentence. no.joke.

[thegeneralpublic]

*snorts out coke* :shock:

[stolin]

"Oh, she's seen a parrot! That must mean it's all gonna be okay!" -on Pirates of the Caribbean commentary - Keira Knightley
"Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk" -Stephen King
"You are very squishy. So I shall name you squishy. And you shall be my little squishy."--Dory from finding nemo
Victory is mine! -Stewie from Family Guy
"Who the hell is that?!"- upon seeing herself with muscles on the King Arthur poster
"Date Prince William? No, he's too...horsey. - Keira Knightley

[thegeneralpublic]

What happens to the four billion people who don't know that god loves all his children?

Eternal hell.-from Dilbert

[lionden_56]

I used to have an open mind but my brain kept falling out.

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeeding through Peanut Butter


--unknown for both

[thegeneralpublic]

I have come to believe that opposing gravity is something not to be taken--uh, lightly. -Daniel Pinkwater

[Streetz]

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
-- Chris Rock

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.
-- Unknown

[thegeneralpublic]

There can only be one explanation for white tile in a dressing room!
(flips over sign saying "daffy" to reveal sign saying "men")
And THAT'S it!

-Daffy Duck

[thegeneralpublic]

Never get involved with a land war in Asia.

[thegeneralpublic]

Originally posted by Streetz
Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.
-- Unknown
I think that was Yogi Berra

[Ghurhgs]

"I've never run through traffic like Frogger, and I've never tried to jump on anyone's skull like Mario" - Tim Buckley

"If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean morality comes from morons?" - Anonymous

"The majority of people wanted Sidewinder, Damnation, Hang 'Em High, and Prisoner to be remade. So naturally, Bungie remade Blood Gulch, Battle Creek, Wizard, & Longest. Thanks, guys." - Mr Enigma

"Looking back on those two days, it is my sincere hope that a chasm swallows the DMV whole. Nothing would be built there. Plants would not grow. Animals would not frolick. It would be known only as The Tainted Lands and spoken of in hushed tones by the elders when the young ones are asleep." - Brian Clevinger

"I can't believe you'd pick a game over a hot girl. Whenever you get a girlfriend her last name is going to end in .jpg, guaranteed." - my good friend Zeal.

"Just tell your friends you couldn't save Hyrule because you were out getting high. They'll understand." - Internet Source

[thegeneralpublic]

Liar liar plants for hire.-From Spongebob (yes, i watch it when there's nothign better to do)

[Tekkactus]

"First, there was nothing. The God said: "Let their be light!" and then there was still nothing, but at least you could see it." -Friend

"Only idiots do cool stuff; that's what makes it cool!" -FLCL

"For Jack Thompson because Jack Thompson won't." -The footnote on the $10,000 dollar donation Penny Arcade made to charity.

"Do you like my boat? It's made of PINE!" -Charlotte, Making Fiends

[thegeneralpublic]

Don't assume. You'll make an *** out of U and ME.-A teacher

[thegeneralpublic]

Kill 2 stoned with 1 bird!-stolin

[lionden_56]

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

--Mark Twain

[thegeneralpublic]

Mark Twain is good for quotes.

[lionden_56]

He's got 108 on www.quotationspage.com
"Blessing of Leeches?! He won with blessing of Leeches!!!"-Mike Flores at PT London.

[stolin]

'Why do you have to get a permission for signed for them to teach you sex ed?' -my mum

[thegeneralpublic]

what?! your 8th grade SKIPPED sex ed?! -my mum, long time ago

[UyOwned]

"Three noses?" - Strong Bad

[DeutschlandMagicSpiel]

Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
-Albert Einstein

The energizer bunny was charged with battery
-Law school class my teacher was in

I once thought I was the stupidest person in the world. Then I looked in a miror and realised there was someone stupider than me.
-me

[thegeneralpublic]

For you Mel Brooks freaks...

SANDURZ Pardon me, sir. I have an idea. Corporal,
get me the video cassette of Spaceballs-the Movie.

CORPORAL Yes, sir.

CORPORAL walks to a wall labeled, "Mr. Rental."
The wall opens. He looks through the selections.

HELMET Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you,
please?

SANDURZ Yes, sir.

HELMET (lifts up mask) How could there be a cassette
of Spaceballs-the Movie. We're still in the middle of making it.

SANDURZ That's true, sir, but there's been a new
breakthrough in home-video marketing.

HELMET There has?

SANDURZ Yes. Instant cassettes. They're out in
stores before the movie is finished.

HELMET Naaaaa.

CORPORAL Here it is, sir. Spaceballs.

SANDURZ Good work, Corporal. Punch it up.

CORPORAL starts the tape. It starts on the FBI
Warning.

SANDURZ Started much too early. Prepare to fast-forward.

CORPORAL Preparing to fast-forward.

SANDURZ Fast-forward.

CORPORAL Fast-forwarding, sir.

Starts fast-forwarding through the ludicrous speed
scene. Helmet is thrown into the panel at a high-speed.

HELMET Nnnnno. Go past this, past this part. In
fact, never play this again.

SANDURZ Try here. Stop.

The movie stops at the exact same thing that is
actually happening now. HELMET looks at the camera, then he turns back
to the monitor. SANDURZ looks at the camera when HELMET looks back at the
monitor, then he looks back at the monitor. HELMET looks at the camera
when SANDURZ looks back at the monitor. When HELMET turns back, he waves
his hand. He turns back to the camera.

HELMET What the EDITED am I looking at? When does
this happen in the movie?

SANDURZ Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything
that happens now, is happening now.

HELMET What happened to then?

SANDURZ We passed then?

HELMET When?

SANDURZ Just now. We're at now, now.

HELMET Go back to then.

SANDURZ When?

HELMET Now.

SANDURZ Now?

HELMET Now.

SANDURZ I can't.

HELMET Why?

SANDURZ We missed it.

HELMET When?

SANDURZ Just now.

HELMET When will then be now?

CORPORAL rewinds the tape. He stops at the point
when LONE STARR, BARF, VESPA, and DOT are walking through the desert.

SANDURZ Soon.

HELMET How soon?

CORPORAL Sir.

HELMET What?

CORPORAL We've identified their location. HELMET
Where?

CORPORAL It's the Moon of Vega.

SANDURZ Good work. Set a course, and prepare for
our arrival.

[UnknownKnowned]

"i see your shwartz is as big as mine."

[thegeneralpublic]

I can't belive you fell for that man!

[reapandplant]

Computers are uselees. All they give are answers.
Pablo Riuz Picasso

I wished that my computer would become as easy to use as my phone. My wish was granted, now i can't handle my phone anymore.
Forgot his name

I think 640 KB should be everthing anybody wil ever need.
Bill Gates, 1984

[hogrefe]

"Nucularweapons"
Anonymous

[tedweird]

"Tommy, George Washington was not a stoner!" -Matt Gibson (to Tommy Stouffer, on being told that Washington grew marijauna in his garden)

"Stop fingering other people's sugar." -Scott Day (my step-dad)

"Two things I want to do before I are: hold a patent; and get high." -Ted Feldman (me)

"I just beat Dayne at his own religion." -me (I'm Jewish, Dayne's Christian)

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?" -http://www.amishdonkey.com/

[Puberty Dragon]

There was a time when men could be men, women could be women, and small furry creatures of Alpha Centauri could be small furry creatures of Alpha Centauri --- Douglas Adams.

[tedweird]

...where the men are manly, and the sheep are cowardly. -Gary Larson (the majority of the caption of one of his comics)

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Half the lies they tell about me aren't true." --http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/y/yogi_berra.html

[Yawgmoth]

“One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.” - Cervantes

[tedweird]

Teacher:"Do you know how many there were?"
Matt:"Twelve!"
me:"And a half!"
Matt:"Point five!"

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal." - Emma Goldman

[tedweird]

"You sharing basterd!" -Matt Gibson

[tedweird]

"Mom, I'm gonna throw your titties through a wall!" -Clayton Tipton

[tedweird]

I'm sorry, I didn't think that would kill the thread. :( :cry:

[Your Worst Nightmare]

It's not you! I can only talk for me, but I only post here when I find something funny to post.

[tedweird]

:woohoo: :D


Yeah, I actually would have more (my friends are nuts), but I can never seem to remember them!

[tedweird]

"Honk if you love space pumps!" - Kaiti Crittenden

[tedweird]

"You better start doing your homework, 'cause stop-drop-and-roll doesn't work in Hell." - Nick Wildeman


"Giddy-up, scrotum!" - Matt

[Luthervamplord]

'Honk if your Horn is broken!' - George Carlin on Bumber Stickers

[tedweird]

"I nearly drowned watching Mythbusters." - me, a few minutes ago

[Hiakashi]

" Behold the Magic of Tetris ! " *While waving "Big Screen Tetris" @ people while it plays the Tetris Song* - Me

[tedweird]

"It would taste like your head exploding." - me

[Sensei Kakashi]

"The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement."-Me
"There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead."-Me
"Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain."-Me
"Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it."-Me
"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. "-Nobody ever said this...
"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."- Someone else
"Theres no I in team! Yeah, and theres no U in team either. So if I'm not on the team, and your not on the team, then nobodys on the ******* team!"-RvB
"Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons."-Me
"There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't."-you
"When all is said and done, much more is said than done."-A person
"If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands."-Someone "Special"
"Thats enough for now."-Me

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"There's no I in team, but there is a ME if you jumble it up a little." -Dr. House

"It's even more dangerous when fire plays with you, believe me!" -I forgot

[tedweird]

Oh my god! Bucket-o'-cherries! - me

[Sensei Kakashi]

"Man I feel like a giant ice-cream sunday, but I look like a giant bowl of soup...."

"One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you."- Someone important.
" There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."- My friend
" Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."- I'm not telling
"Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it."- Farmer Joe
"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."- Me

[Hiakashi]

" Do What Now? " - Guy who was trying to be annoying and made Sir SK really mad and all "Grrr, stop that!" :lol:

Mmm this muffin looks good.. - me (when he got a muffin)

No pain no gain, ... no strain Huge Gain - Me ...

" Just calm down... " - patient talking to his psychologist

" SHUT THE *E** UP " - Card Sir SK thought of.

" Man I wish I didn't eat that whole muffin.... " - me (just a few seconds ago)

"Oh candy....wait, you're not CANDY! ... *thing looking like candy*: "yeah, well you're no PRIZE EITHER! " - Conflict in Hiakashi's mind

[Sensei Kakashi]

"Your weird!"- Me, after reading Hiakashi's last post
"I want some candy now!"- Me, a few seconds after writing that last quote.
"Munch, Munch, Munch!"- Me, just now.

This is a real letter written to some guy:
"Dear Sir,
In going over last year's records by our Auditing Committee, we have been informed that you still hold stocks and other securities in the following companies: AMERICAN CAN, NATURAL WATER, & CONFINED GAS.
Under the present market fluctuations and depressions, we sincerely advise you to sit tight on the can, hold your water, and at the same time, let go of the gas.
At this writing, we wish to advise you that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today and, on the hole, many were wiped out.
Yours very truly,
G. Myas Hertz, President
Pull Chain And Flush Company"

"The world's full of apathy, but I don't care."-Me

"It's deja vu all over again."- Slow person

"Some people type so fast that forget to include "-Me

"I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid."-Hiakashi

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."- Agrus Kos(Not really)

[Tresserhorn]

"He just killed how many of my guys??" Opponent in Warhammer 40K

"so, I take 1 google damage on turn one... ok, my turn" - forgot name

"Just relax. Remeber the phases of Magic. Move shoot assault"

[tedweird]

"It's deja vu all over again."- Slow person

bah, damnation and shrimp to all stereograms... - Yawgmoth

Hate is a strong word, like moist. - me

Hi! I'm pervy! - me (I was hyper at the time)

"It's deja vu all over again."- Slow person

[Sensei Kakashi]

"It's deja vu all over again."- tedweird
"Ha Ha thats a good one. Hey, where did you come from? Hey get away from me...AHHHHHHH"- Me after tedweird got ahold of me for that last joke

[tedweird]

Dude, the point was that they said three times! you messed it up by saying it more! :banghead:

[Sensei Kakashi]

"Why is banging your head against the wall such a good thing to do? It feels so good when you stop!"- My Econ teacher
"It's deja vu all over again."- Me just to mess with tedweird!!!

[tedweird]

:roll:

"Screw you guys, I'm going home." - Eric Cartman, South Park

[Sensei Kakashi]

"They Killed Kenny! Those Horndogs!"- Me for no apparent reason!

[tedweird]

me: :shock: Now those are slabs!
my dad: Meat!

[Sensei Kakashi]

"I wish people would stop calling me a serial killer!"-Me in the dumb wish thread

[tedweird]

'When all else fails.......read the manual' - Zane (SirWolfgang), a few moments ago

[Sensei Kakashi]

*Bang*
"I guess its not Ho Ho Ho anymore, now its just Ho Ho!"
*Bang*
"Now you've only got one Ho!"
"I wish I had one H-"
"Shut up Tucker!"
"What? It was gunna be funny!"
-Red Vs. Blue

[tedweird]

my dad- Where's the sweetener?
me- It died in a fireball of bovinity.

[tedweird]

I am pig! Hear me eat! - me

Scientology: the science of science... with no actual science added! - me

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." - Woody Allen

[Sensei Kakashi]

Bad television doesn't imitate reality, reality sucks!- God

[Maleficent]

"Jesus hates you!" - me (no idea why I find that so funny)

Arg I'd have a lot more but I don't remember any :P

[Mad Mat]

"The voices in my head won't talk to me anymore! They say I'm crazy! :( " - Somewhere on MTGsalvation

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Q: My opponent plays a Fat Ass, and I sac Mindslaver to take control of his next turn. Can I, controlling his next turn, make him not eat food, thus starving him to death?

A: No, you cannot use Mindslaver to starve your opponent."

- Saturday School

[Mad Mat]

"If I have wings, why am I always walking?" - Dread Lord, Warcraft 3

"I see undead people!" - Necromancer, WC 3

"To start press any key... Where's the any key?" - Homer Simpson

"I've lost my head! It was about eh ye big, I was keeping it on my spear, if you find it let me know." - Rokhan, WC 3: The Frozen Throne

"You know what burns my ass? A flame about this high." - Pit Lord, WC 3, TFT

"Why don't you lead an army instead of touching me!" - Grunt, WC 3

"*Stoned* Only two things come from Texas! And I've got horns!" - Tauren Chieftain, WC3

"My hoof and your ass have an appointment!" - Tauren Spirit Walker, WC3, TFT

"Hey! Why are these letters burned on my ass!" - Tauren, WC3

"And they say Blizzard games don't have bugs!" - Crypt Lord, WC3, TFT

"Dear Diary,
Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if maybe there really is something wrong with me."

"Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that wins."

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - George W. Bush

"I once got stuck in a toilet."

"We also have an Orochi Leafcaller. He aids a splash requirement, and blocks in a crisis. And he calls leaves, apparently. Is that like a Horse Whisperer? Just what exactly does he call these leaves? "Floaty Green Bastards?""

"Your sense of humor is destructive. To humor."

"They say that if you play a Microsoft cd backwards you hear satanic things, but that is nothing because if you play them forwards they install Windows. "

"You do know that if she ever finds out you have been spamming her pic on a total geek site that she is going to flip and remove 2 ki counters to spank your ass with a waffle bat into oblivion?"

"I didn't even know there were women in Michigan. I assumed it was a barren wasteland populated by nomadic tribesmen and wooly mammoths. You learn something new every day."

"Dear Diary: headshot!" - some guy on counterstrike

Just for awesome hilariousness you should go and watch Celebrity Jeopardy. Things like "A Petit Déjeuner" are interpreted by the candidates as "Ape Tit". and fun categories like: "films that end on jaws, ask a question and answer it yourself..."

EDIT: Forgot some other simpsons quotes:

"Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend. "

"Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son.""

"Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'"

"Homer: Homer no function beer well without."

"Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely.""

"Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling : I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!"

[tedweird]

Welcome to black-man's-penis-land. - Matt

If she kills herself, I'll bring cookies. - me

[mod:8d6cf162d8="stolin"]getting a little innapropriate[/mod:8d6cf162d8]

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Oooh! Dexter, what does thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis button do?" -Dee Dee

[Yezzandrix]

"Reality is for people who can't handle drugs" -unknown

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer." -Yogi Berra

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Never wear anything that panics the cat." -P. J. O'Rourke

[Mad Mat]

<Greywolf2001ca> I formatted my drive because NWN wouldn't work online for me today.
<Nafoi> Uh dude they took the Master Server down for maitnence no one can play online...
<Greywolf2001ca> ....F***

"which port that ping used?"

<+RushMore> got shouted at today... too hairy
<@chikster> no beards at school?
<+RushMore> no beards
<@chikster> gayness to the extreme
<+RushMore> This is a catholic grammar school
<+RushMore> run by nuns
<+RushMore> arent allowed long hair either
<@chikster> a catholic school what the f***? jesus had a beard why cant you
<@chikster> he had long hair too
<@chikster> thats stupid as hell if jesus can you can i say

NeoNess: My cell phone rang in the church and everyone looked at me.
I answered it and someone told me to turn it off.
I told them it was god and he was furiously angered at them, and he would smite them with his holy fist.
I proceeded to scream "Repent!" at the top of my voice.
long story short, I dont have to go to church anymore

All taken from and more at www.bash.org (Hope this hasn't been mentioned here yet. Warning: some may be offensive, and many have 'adult content' or are very sick. Some are very funny though.

[tedweird]

Blasphemy is a victimless crime. - bumper sticker at rof.com

Honk if you are Jesus! - bumper sticker at rof.com

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep." -Fran Lebowitz

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield

[tedweird]

Life's a *****, and then you marry her. - Josh Hodges

Dang it. I can't, I have a life! - Matt

That's cheesey with a capital cheese! - Carrie Vertin

[Neuromancer]

"There're two kinds of people: those that play MTG and those that play wargames. The ones who play neither aren´t really people" - Some guy at the WOTC boards.

[hogrefe]

Random, but...

"Excuses are like *******s... everyones got one" -my dad

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"A man is what he thinks about all day long." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Mad Mat]

"A king in my own mind" - In Flames, The Quiet Place

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs." -Alfred Hitchcock

"An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission." -Fred Allen

[Exordio]

"I know there are more important things in life than money, but it's exactly to get them that we need the money." - attributed to many people

[Sensei Kakashi]

There is something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time... I have been having an affair with a man named Chris, your new head!"- Mad T.V. *Season one*

[Maleficent]

Haha at work this loser kid that everyone hates (no joke, he got fired too (*jumps for joy*), funny story in itself) was talking to our general manager and asked her in regards to work that day 'where do you want me?' so I said '6 feet under' :mrgreen: I bet I would have gotten in trouble if she didn't hate him too lol.

[Your Worst Nightmare]

Some quotes I have no idea where I got them:

"The four food groups: fast, frozen, instant and microwaved."

"The secrecy of my job prevents me from knowing what I do."

"As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing."

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."

[reapandplant]

"The ideal computer: you put your problems in and they dont get out."M. Callewaert

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain

[Relentless Poker]

George Carlin: "Weather forecast for tonight: dark."

[Sasori]

Stewie Griffin :"Mom I came bearing you a gift , i'll give you a hint , it's in my diaper , and it's not a toaster"

[Your Worst Nightmare]

-From now on, you can call me Sid, Lord of the Flame!
-Hey Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire.

Ice Age

[Mad Mat]

"After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands." - Nietzsche

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." -Will Rogers

EDIT: W00T! 2400th POST!!!!!!!!

[hogrefe]

"I am certain there is too much certainty in the world" , "Everybody has an agenda-but me"-Michael Chrichton, State of Fear

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." -Steven Wright

[Sensei Kakashi]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!- me...

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon." -P. J. O'Rourke

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." -Dave Barry

[Exordio]

"Is that an Mp3 Player in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" -- unsucessful hitter

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't." -Margaret Thatcher

[Exordio]

"I hope you have a map, because I'm lost in your eyes." - a sucessful playboy

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally." -W. C. Fields

[Exordio]

"I've nothing against marriage. In fact I believe its something we should do all the time." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"The purpose of all wars, is peace." -Saint Augustine

[Exordio]

"When one person dies, it's a tragedy. But when a million people die, it's a statistic." - Estaline

[tedweird]

"Carpe Jugulum- go for the throat!" - Terry Pratchet

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." -Vince Lombardi

[Exordio]

"There is a simple sentence that defines our current situation: We be f***ed!!!" - some actor

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I never said most of the things I said." -Yogi Berra

[tedweird]

Pay attention to my nipples! - Matt (at lunch, nonetheless)

[Exordio]

"I am not a doctor. I am only five years old." - the one and only Dr. Tran.

[tedweird]

You remind me, I have alzheimers. - me

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer." -Fred Allen

[Luthervamplord]

'You should approach a woman with the idea that she is a wide, dangerous animal in your mind. Handled right, she can be one of the most beautifal creatures to have ever crossed your path. But if treated badly, she WILL maime, kill and slaughter you!' - Some advice I gave to my brother on his 17th b'day.

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." -Oscar Wilde

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor." -Joan Rivers

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." -George Burns

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." -Bill Cosby

[Exordio]

"I can set you up straight." - Viagra Man

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." -Rita Rudner

[Exordio]

"Buyiah" - Ron Stopable

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"If it doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?" -Vince Lombardi

[Exordio]

"I didn't do it!" - Bart Simpson

[reapandplant]

We'll do what we always do, we use the Republicans Devil helper, South Park of course(that episode was so good)

[reapandplant]

We'll do what we always do, we use the Republicans Devil helper, South Park of course(that episode was so good)

[reapandplant]

could someone remove that double post?

[Your Worst Nightmare]

You could have done it yourself... BEFORE you had made that 3rd post!

"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else." -Jon Stewart

[tedweird]

It's a conspiracy! Let's all drink more coffee than Stouffer! - Stouffer

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country." -Steven Wright

"Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food." -George Bernard Shaw

"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture." -Steve Martin

[Exordio]

"I wish you weren't here." - myself talking to my conscience. :o

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height." -Woody Allen

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." -Dan Quayle

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." -Samuel Goldwyn

"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." -Dave Barry

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin

"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day." -Jay Leno

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." -Groucho Marx




"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent." -Napoleon Bonaparte

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live." -Bob Hope

[Yawgmoth]

Connor: Now you will receive us.
Murphy: We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
Connor: We do not want your tired and sick.
Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim.
Connor: It is your evil that will be sought by us.
Murphy: With every breath, we shall hunt them down.
Connor: Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.
Connor: For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.
Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.
-----

Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." -Joey Adams

"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like." -Phyllis Diller

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children." -George Bernard Shaw

"There is still no cure for the common birthday." -John Glenn

"There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty." -Joe E. Lewis

[Yezzandrix]

"Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive" Terry Pratchett, "Guards! Guards!"

[Tekkactus]

"All teenage poetry can be summed up in:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I Have Zits and I'm Horny
Boo Hoo." ~Craig Fergusan

[Hiakashi]

"I'm going to take over the world in my red pajamas." - YWN's not so recent Msn name

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

I've got a better one than Tekkactus. Sorry.

'Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty so is your head.' ~ Yukora style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif

HAHAHA. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif

Oh yeah. Three magical boohoo points.
Bouyah! style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif

How about another one:

'why isn't 11 pronounced as onety-one?' ~ Yukora style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif

Oh yeah. extra points, i'm heading to the zone. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blink.gif

[Your Worst Nightmare]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hiakashi @ Jun 16 2006, 04:10 AM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
"I'm going to take over the world in my red pajamas." - YWN's not so recent Msn name
[/b][/quote]

That was actually 'Ready to take over the world in my red pyjamas'... style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/dry.gif



"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm." -Rodney Dangerfield

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." -Steven Wright

"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." -Mark Twain

[Sensei Kakashi]

"what a bunch of idiots!" - me reading your guy's posts

"So three guys are playing golf. The first guy hits it into the water. He calmly walks up to the bank, parts the lake, and hits his ball onto the green. The second guy hits his ball into the lake. He walks on the water and hits his ball even closer to the hole. The last guy steps up, and hits his ball into the lake.
"Tough break." moses says.
"wait a minute" the third guy says. just then a fish pops up with the ball in its mouth, then a hawk comes and grabs the fish. the ball drops out of its mouth and lands on the green. then an ant comes, lifts up the ball, and carries it right into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says:
"This is why I hate playing with your father."
Happy fathers day people!
(Should have posted this yesterday)

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

Since it's father's day, I will post a quote:

Noble fathers have noble children. ~ Euripides.

Happy Father's Day to all Dad's and GrandDad's out there.

Enjoy the manhood. jokes.

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money." -W. C. Fields

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." -Groucho Marx

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." -Emo Philips


"You're hanging out with a girl!! That is so gaaay..." -some guy in The Simpsons

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

Dr. Evil: Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein, give your father a hug.

I say: Stay away, you frickin' bald guy. My dad is not a terrorist. You remind me of Mr. Clean though.

[Hiakashi]

Sahara quote near the end of the movie.

I forget the names of em so they'll be referred to as 1st guy and 2nd guy, by 1 & 2.
(1 just had to get out of an old tank-ship hull to move a metal cover out of the way so they could fire the cannon and he was getting shot at my Kazeem, the guy they're trying to kill. 1 just got back from falling in the same opening he was trying to make and was being shot at when he got back in.)

1: Next time, you go!

2: What the ell took you so long?

1: What?!..........I stopped for Coffee!

2: Get a receipt?

1: Yeah! Got a receipt, and I got you one too!

2: You're the best.

1: Yeah, you know what? I"ll even get you the money from Sanda!

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

My quote:

Never give up, never surrender. For we will stand firm no matter how hard the wind blows, no matter if hunger strikes us. We are determined to win this battle. Let's show them what we really are. Charge!!!

[zackwilder118]

I can't remember the exact quotes, but I remember the gist of it:

"Man, Phage is hot. I mean I know if I touch her I'll die, but if I had some divinity counters, I'd touch the hell out of her." -- Someone. I forgot who.

Person 1: When my friends refuse to play with me, I go into the corner and play with myself. I still own, and I can laugh in their face.

Person 2: So your friends refuse to play with you and you go to the corner and play with yourself? Magic and masturbation should not be so similar.

Person 3: Then why do they print cards like Earthbind and Reversal of Fortune?

[Sensei Kakashi]

"Join the save the jitte campaign now!"- poster I have hung up in my room!

My motto:
"I try not to have a goal in life because then Im never disapointed!"

" style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ninja.gif "-need i say more?

style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ninja.gif

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

Quote from little children:

"Silence can be an answer."

Cheers. style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/food-smiley-004.gif

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height." -Casey Stengel

[YUKORA, THE PRISONER]

"I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye" ~ Hannibal Lecter

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it." -Samuel Goldwyn

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats." -Groucho Marx

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." -Steven Wright

"Never fight an inanimate object." -P. J. O'Rourke

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." -Josh Billings

[Exordio]

"I should say it was a rather interesting experience." - myself regarding a Math Exam.

[Saint Jimmy]

"Go away, fatman" - Stewie, Family Guy

"It's better to be a lil bit crazy then a lil bit smart" - Unknown

"Maybe money corrupts the character. But lack of money isn't going to improve it either." - John Steinbeck

"Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians."

"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice." - Church Bulletin

"After all is said and done, a whole lot more is said than done."

And finally...

"On my signal, unleash HELL!!" - Gladiator

[Sensei kakashi]

"WOOT QUOTES IS BACK!"- me a while ago cause im slow!

"If you throw anything at the allegaters you will be asked to retrieve it!"- Sign at the zoo.

"I wonder who the first person was to look at a cow and say 'hey lets pull on these little dangly things and drink whatever comes out!'"- someone

[Ryuzaki]

"Guess what I got? I got a jar of dirtttttt I got a jar of dirttttt" - Captain Jack Sparrow.

Whoo awesome movie!

[hogrefe]

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war."

"If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?"

-Ann Coulter

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"Fashions have done more harm than revolutions." - Victor Hugo

[Samuel L. Jackson]

"I like Quotes", Somebody...

[Your Worst Nightmare]

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong." -Bertrand Russell

"Never have more children than you have car windows." -Erma Bombeck

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." -Hedy Lamarr

[Artifactor]

thats one small step for man one giant leap for man kind- Neil Armstrong
we choose to go to the moon and do the other things- John F. Kenndey
houstin we have a problem- apollo 13 crew member